What Humanity Learns from the War in Ukraine

Today's edition is about kindness, compassion, and empathy

Luiza Moldovan, 06.04.2022, 00:46

Todays edition is about kindness, compassion, and empathy, in the context of the war in Ukraine, whose only good side is that it has sparked an extraordinary level of communal feelings. The impressive voluntary efforts made by Romanians, alongside the rest of Europe, have unveiled a fundamental ability of humans, that of putting themselves in someone elses shoes, of reacting speedily to help them out. This unique human quality shows the bottomless ability for empathy that our species has. If there is anything good about this war, it is just that, discovering the fact that kindness endures, and that empathy can go a long way. Maybe now, more than ever, we should meditate upon these qualities that mark us apart.

We talked to Elena Maria Dumitrescu, a cognitive behavioral therapist, about the huge explosion of empathy in the entire world related to the Ukrainian drama. We first asked her to explain kindness from a psychological point of view. Here is her answer:

“Each of us is part of a whole, which we call life, universe, fundamental energy, creation, or divinity. I would put kindness in the same place as compassion, with caring, with being inclined to help your fellow man. More than that, this need is important at an individual level, as well as at a collective level, and we have examples from nature to this end. Fire ants live in anthills along rivers, and when there is flooding, they know they dont stand a chance by themselves. Which is why they grab on to one another and form a huge raft. They stay together, floating on the surface until the waters recede, and so they save individual ants, the anthill, and the species. Both religion, as well as Darwin, who doubted the divine nature of man, showed us that each species comes equipped for survival. We ourselves have something to give to others, as well as ourselves, in order to live, because it seems that nature does not care if a species survives or not, so that it has to prove it deserves it.”

Friendship is one of the highest and purest forms of human expression. Romanians drew admiration across the world for their extraordinary opening towards the Ukrainians fleeing war. We asked Elena Dumitrescu if friendship can be humanitys salvation.

“We are friends with the Ukrainian people, and friendship is the highest form of communication between people, both energetically and psychologically, even spiritually. Since we are in Lent, we have the biblical example set by Jesus, who calls both his disciples, and the women bearing myrrh, his friends. Many times, he talks about the importance and healing power of friendship, both physically and emotionally. Psychologically, things are the same, because friendly relationships are the most important for our mental health. I would like to emphasize that empathy, this human ability to understand others as if we were in their stead, does not necessarily mean that we know that person or persons. Empathy, compassion, and kindness are the triad that brings added value in all our relationships. We need solidarity, because, as I said, solidarity is what sustains us both as an individual and as a species. For this, we need to overcome self-sufficiency, superficiality, and laziness, which I personally believe are our greatest enemies. We have to understand that everyone can do that which is up to them.”

We then asked therapist Elena Dumitrescu what the limits of empathy are, and she spoke to us about the limitations of it, so she advised moderation:

“Life is about the energetic and spiritual balance of each and every one of us, and the system we are a part of. Empathy is the balanced position in terms of relationships. Many times, our need to help can be higher than the need of others to be helped. Therefore our help is what we imagine it to be, for various reasons: that of overcompensating for some aspects in our lives, the need to alleviate guilt, perfectionism, public image, standards, and many other reasons. Many times, when we cross the limits of empathy, we identify with the situation of a person in difficulty, and we take on the role of saviors, offering and emphasizing in the other the position of victim, more than the situation warrants. We become more attentive to our needs than to the real need of the other. That involves a useless consumption of resources biologically, physiologically, energetically, and most times it harms relations between people, because it no longer fits the real context. Anything that upsets the balance and goes to extreme is not beneficial. Because every excess spills over, and everything coming short is not up to par.”